Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Play-by-play of the Dem debate

Here's everything you need to know about the debate, start to finish, whether you watched it or not ...

- Lincoln Chaffee should have come out dressed like Abe Lincoln. Bernie should have had crazy hair.

- Who the hell are they waving at? Ain't nobody waving at them in the audience. They are doing that to make people watching THINK there are people waving at them. As in, "Oh, I wasn't going to vote for Hillary, but she's waving to people! She sure is friendly. I'm gonna vote for her ... "

- The six presidential candidates: Martin O'Malley, Lincoln Chaffee, Hillary, Bernie, someone else and Sheryl Crow's hot leather pants.


- Did you see Lincoln's eye twitch and almost explode when Sheryl hit that high note that wasn't quite right? Wait a second, was there a National Anthem before the Republican debate?

- CNN's graphics have really gone downhill since their "War in the Gulf" stuff from Desert Storm.

- Jim Webb is the "someone else" guy.

- I can't tell what looks more fabulous ... Anderson Cooper's hair, tie or glasses.

- Chaffee's hairdo reminds me of Orville Redenbacher. Mayor, U.S. senator and something else and almost made me fall asleep 30 seconds into his opening remarks.

- Chaffee said 30 years and no scandals? Did he look at that hairdo? And that scandalous tie he's wearing? Like Jake from State Farm, it's hideous.

- Sen. Webb ... Nice tie. Digging his intro. Bled in Vietnam as a Marine, served in Reagan's cabinet.
Wrote and passed post 9/11 G.I. Bill. This guy got street cred. Plus he added the prerequisite of coming from a poor family of cotton choppers. DId he almost forget his daughter's names? He's got a son who fought in Ramaldi? Seriously, this dude's numbers have got to go up after this.

- Martin O'Malley ... lifelong Dem and most importantly a husband, he says. Hey, at least he didn't almost forget his kids' names. Preaching to the crowd. Way to connect with his base by evoking O'bama, middle classs and the poor. Says we're all in this together ... well maybe not Lincoln Chaffee. He probably wandered off the stage to go pee while he was talking.

- Oooh, Bernie's talking! He sounds like my angry, drunk uncle, talking about campaign money undermining process, representing big money instead of working peoople. Climate change caused by people. He should have ended with, "Soylent Green is people!"

- What the hell is up with Clinton's cheeks? grandaughter of a factory worker. She should have said her grandparent lost a hand in the factory or something. That would work sympathy points. Seriously, she almost has Trump hair. Said she can use climate change to grow economy. How the hell does a cow farting and destroying the ozone layer improve the economy? Ooh, she has recommendations. Wealthy pay their fair share???? They already are! Top 10 percent pay 90 percent of the taxes. Family leave plan? OK, I like that. How do you pay for it, though? Ooh, discrimination against LGBT? Wasn't she against gay marriage before she was for it?

- On second thought, I don't think Anderson's glasses are really that fabulous.

- He just asked Hillary about her changing positions. She says she has been consistent. Yeah, consistently changing her positions. She did say see she is a progressive, but check back tonmorrow.

- Sanders said he would have a paid family leave act. Didn't say how he'd pay for it. Did he steal that from Hillary or did she steal that from him?

- Bernie said we need to be like Denmark.  Denmark how? Denmark like a yodel? He honeymooned in the Soviet Union? Is that a hammer and sickle pin on his lapel?

- Good capitalism answer Hillary, but looks like she is doing the pee-pee dance up there. We are not Denmark. She loves Denmark but says we are the United States of America. Well, thank you for at least saying that.

- Now Bernie is talking again. The other three gotta be pissed. Wonder what Sheryl Crow's hot leather pants think of this?


- I gotta pee. Hope I don't miss something while I'm in the bathroom.

- Chaffee says he's only been a Dem for two years. Says he was a liberal Repub, independent, now proud Democrat. He ain't going anywhere, but at least he has showed that he hasn't changed his positions. Says he didn't leave the Republican Party, the Party left him. I think after tonight, the Dems will try to give him back. No, they don't want him, either.

- Oh man, I really gotta pee. Can't hold it anymore.

- Webb said his views on affirmative action are where Dems have traditionally been. Ha! Like the KKK? Oopsie!

- They are trying to outgun one another on who is tougher on guns, but not gun owners. Speaking of hot pistols, did you see Sheryl Crow's pants?



- Martin O'Malley is saying something about guns, but he ain't getting elected so it's not worth writing. Oh shit, now he's talking about a family who lost a daughter to gun violence. Says they owe 200k in court costs. That does have to sting.

- They're fighting with Bernie. They are getting testy. I like this!

- Webb got an A rating from the NRA? How is this dude a Democrat?

- Lincoln Chaffee looks like he's distantly related to Beeker from the Muppets.




- Blah, blah, blah ... Putin ... well, it's about time we talk about something else! Is Putin another candidate running for the Dem nomination?

- She is saying what? We should wag our finger at Putin and say, "Bad Putin!" and he'll leave Syria? That dude rides a horse without a shirt! It's gonna take more than that.

- Bernie says the U.S. won't get involved in another quagmire like Iraq. Let's put together a coalition of Middle Eastern countries, he said. Yeah, that's worked well so far.

- That blond asking a question isn't cute or booby enough to be on Fox. You gotta start somewhere, honey.

- I would be impressed if Lincon Chaffee ran around the stage right now doing a Curly impersonation from the Three Stooges.

- When would Bernie use force? Let me respond to Hillary first, he says, then gives out his web site address. Well played, Uncle Bernie. Good PR move there.

- I gotta pee again.

- Martin O'Malley is back. Says Hillary is wrong and a no-fly zone in Syria is a mistake because we'd have to enforce it, and it would escalate shit with Russia. He's right, and that's one more reason why Hillary can't be president.

- Lincoln's getting mad for not getting any love.

- Hill just said O'Malley endorsed her for president in 2008. That was smooth, Hill. You also reminded us you lost in 2008, but hey, it's you're party. I'm just here for the free food tonight. Wait, there's no food? Why the hell am I watching this?

- Damn, Jim Webb will not cede the floor. He was asked if the Benghazi attack was inevitable, and turned it into Russians in Syria, the invasion of Iraq, the Arab spring (there's probably an Irish Spring joke in there I'm missing), and Iran getting nukes. He spent five years in the Pentagon, opposed the Iraq invasion and had a son fighting in Iraq. Says to combat Syria we have to work on our China relationship. He is about to go all Hulkamaniac on Anderson Cooper, if Cooper tells him one more time his time is up.

- Bernie says Mr. Putin is going to regret this Syria thing. And just like that Bernie shows why he is thoroughly unqualified to be president. His idea to talk to other world leaders is naive, rose-colored
horseshit.

- Hillary says the U.S. did not put one American soldier on the ground in Lybia. Not sure that was the right thing to say when people are blaming you for not sending in help in Benghazi. And chickie poo, it's not Europe's responsibility to protect our embassies. But she is right about diplomats having dangerous jobs in dangerous parts of the world.

- Now O 'Malley is stealing all the time from Lincoln and Jimbo. Lincoln must feel like someone gave him a wedgie.

- Cooper asked Webb, a Marine, what he thinks of Bernie's conscientious objector status during Vietnam. Webb says they are friends, but I don't think he likes Bernie. Webb says his military background makes him most qualified to be commander-in-chief. I think he's right. And that's comparing him to the Republicans, too.

- Bernie said he didn't oppose the soliders in Vietnam, he opposed the policy. War should be last resort he said. I am prepared to take this country into war if necessary, he said. He'll be the first president to take us to war but oppose the policy and conscientiously object from the war he sends us to.

- Lincoln is trying to be heard, and he is smart, but he ain't no presidential candidate.

- Bernie thinks climate chage is the biggest national threat. You know what affects climate, Bernie? Iran droping a damn nucyalur bomb!

- Ooh, Sandra Bullock movie commercial. I wished she was wearing some tight leather pants.

- Would it kill you to share this blog so I can at least get an even hundred to read it?

- Clinton e-mail scandal question. She says she took responsibility for it. Hush your mouth, you have not! She did call out Sen. McCarthy for his dumb ass comment about trying to drag down her poll numbers by doing these investigations. That was dumb of him. Ooh, Cooper said it is a big deal because there is an FBI investigation into her e-mails. But she says tonight she does not want to talk about her e-mails. At least she is consistent on that.

- Bernie is yelling. He's saying American people are sick to death of hearing about Hillary's damn e-mails! No. I'm not.  But you know what? He gave a better answer than she did.

- Chaffee said her e-mail stuff is a a huge issue. He said it's an issue of  American creidibility. It's a shame Lincon is such a doofus and has no chance of getting elected.

- Cooper asks Clinton, "Do you want to respond" to Chaffee about the e-mails. She says, "No." Silent treatment. Why is she leading in the polls??? Dems are OK with electing her??? She should lose all their suport right there. After tonight, Jim Webb, O'Malley and Sheryl Crow's pants should be leading in the polls over Hillary.

- "Do black lives matter or do all lives?" is the Facebook question. Nice "gotcha" question cause ain't none of them going to answer it honestly. They will all use this as an opportunity to pander to one demographic of African-American voters. I stand corrected. Webb gave the most complete, honest and factual answer. Says all life nmatters, but talks about raising criminal justice reform. This dude is right, but Democrat voters don't want to admit it. HE's the only one to answer it honestly and show what he has done.

- Did Bernie say Bush lost 800K jobs a month? Seriously? Good thing Bernie wants to raise minimimum wage to 15 dollars so he can pay his staffers more than the 12 dollars an hour.

- O'Malley is kissing Hillary's ass in hopes she will make him the VP nominee. Say what you will about the 6,000 people running for the Republican nomination, they are a hell of a lot more interesting than most of these yahoos.

- Bernie put your damn hand down! This ain't elementary school.

- Bernie says Wall Street has used fraud as a business model. I don't care if you aren't a Democrat. That's got to make you pause and go, "Hmmm ... "

- Hillary says she went to Wall Street and said, "Cut that out!" I see, she's using Bernie's Putin policy on Wall Street.

- Hey, where's Lincoln?

- "Congress doesn't regulate Wall Street, Wall Street regulates Congress." That's a good line, Uncle Bernie, you crazy, old coot.

- Martin O'Malley's talking again, but I don't really care. Be honest, you don't, either.

- Does ayone else have to pee again?

- Hey they did a wide pan. There's Lincoln Chaffee! He really should have changed into a beard and stovetop hat for this shot.

- Bernie wants kids to go to college for free. Ain't saying how he's gonna pay for it, but let's not get bogged down in details like logic.

- I like how Webb is holding CNN accountable for unfairly giving time to Bernie, Hillary and O'Malley and not nearly enough on Lincoln, Jimmy or Sheryl Crow's leather pants.



- Lincoln just said he voted for bigger banks cause his Dad died, it was his first vote, and he just arrived in the Senate. That's enough, Lincoln. Can his caregiver gently take him from the stage?

- Bernie said the wealthy will pay more than they are paying for today. He says he will implement a tax on Wall Street speculation to pay for his free college plan. So, a tax on people who invest to save for retirement? Isn't the whole stock market specualtion? Shell game, people.

- Oh Hillary, a young person didn't talk to you  about going to school. You wouldn't let a real person get close enough to you to ask a real question. She says colleges should get their costs down to make college more affordable. So she is suggesting we cut the pay of college professors?

- Share my blog this time on Facebook. Please?

- Or sign up for the e-mail on the side.

- Or join via Google Plus.

- Did you read my "Columbo" blog yet? That was a funny one.

- I  agree with Bernie's point that we can raise the cap on Social Security payments.

- Who is this Hispanic guy asking a question? He's gotten less face time than Lincoln Chapstick.

- How long is this thing supposed to last? I gotta get up early tomorrow.

- Most of these people are just pandering to the Democrats who they want to vote for them. Then again, I guess that's the point.

- I like Jim Webb, and don't care what you think. He still won't get elected, though.

- Hillary says Republicans have demonized immigrants.

- O'Malley just called Trump a carnival barker. Can't argue with that.

- Chaffee and HIllary don't regret their votes on the Patriot Act.  Then they said some other stuff, but I'm getting sleepy.

- Did Bernie just put his hand to his ear like Hulk Hogan?

- Snowden -- hero or traitor? Chaffee says bring him home. Hillary said he broke the law. and he stole very important information that fell into wrong hands. O'Malley says he put a lot of lives at risk. Whistleblowers don't run to Putin. Bernie says he played important role in educating American people about civil liberties. Webb says leave his ultimate judgment to the legal system. Way to pivot to one of your key points, but you didn't answer the question, Jimmy.

- Hillary basically said, "Vote for me, because I'm a woman."

- Please be over soon.

- Bernie is talking about a revolution. He just sounds so communisty.

- Jim basically just said, "I like Bernie, but ain't no one gonna pay for all this shit you're talking about. You must be out of your damn mind!"

- Apparently it takes Hillary longer to go pee during the commercial break. She almost didn't make it back.

- Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ...

- O'Malley said he respects what Bill and Hillary has done, but we need new leadership.

- She says she's not running because her last name is Clinton. Let's be honest. If it wasn't for Ross Perot, nobody would even know who Hillary Clinton is today.

- Ooh, a young person is concerned about climate change! Now they're going to pander to people who aren't even old enough to vote.

- Jim Webb is not a Democrat. That's the funniest thing about this debate. Well, that and the lost and dispirited look on Lincoln Chaffee's face.

- If not for climate change, Bernie would not have that awesome of a tan this late into October.

- Hillary said she and Obama were hunting for Chinese in Copenhagen. Maybe they should have looked in China instead?

- Hey, they're letting the blond who isn't pretty enough to be on Fox ask another question.

- How many times have one of you tonight said, "This ... is CNN ... " in your best James Earl Jones voice?

- Let's make the wealthy pay for it. That's the solution to everything. Everything that's gone wrong in your life is because the wealthy aren't paying their fair share.

- Great, now O'Malley is kissing Sander's ass so he can be his VP nominee, too.

- They're talking about recreational marijuana. You gotta smoke a lot of dope to believe some of this crap.

- Hillary just said she's not ready to take a position on recreational marijuana tonight. What's the point of a debate if you refuse to give a position. Heads will roll for her staffers not giving her the polling numbers on recreational marijuana before the debate.

- Someone said something on Facebook about something and Bernie is talking about it, but this has dragged on 30 minutes too long and I'm not even paying attention.

-  Hillary just said the funniest thing ever when she said her biggest enemy is the Republicans.

- Jim Webb is bad ass, and that's why Democrats won't vote for him, and why he should be a Republican.

- My favorite part! The closing remarks!

- Blah, blah, blah ... for the love of all things holy, Lincoln! Take off Sheryl Crow's pants!

- I'm going to bed. If you've read this far, you owe it to yourself and mankind to share this link on Facebook.