Hairspray, cholesterol and terrorism

Extra underwear because my mother always told me to pack more than I need?

Check.

Cholesterol medication in case I accidentally ingest chicken fried steak for breakfast instead of oatmeal every day?

Check.

Hairspray and shaving cream?

Check ... but not in my carry on luggage.

I'm a pretty good traveler, so I felt pretty stupid when going on vacation last year that I was "that" guy. You know, the one stopped by border patrol agents between the gift shops and the airline gates. Apparently, the x-rays of my carry on luggage alerted agents to my toiletries, and they were having none of that on this particular flight.

I was given the option of going back to check-in, to send my Edge shaving cream and hairspray through with that luggage, or throwing it away. I threw it away.

While I am sure this is shocking to some of you, it is true I sometimes use hairspray to keep my honey-blond locks in place. But it's also shocking to me that I still can't bring this crap on an airplane. So, for this trip to Detroit later today, I made sure it was in the right bag.

I know we have to be careful of terrorists, even the well-groomed ones. I would not want a scene like this unfolding:

Terrorist: (standing up and shouting): Ladies and gentlemen! I have a can of hairspray and I'm not afraid to use it!!!!!

 Flight attendant: Eek! Some hairspray! What do you plan on doing with it?!?!?

 Terrorist: Well, first I plan on volumizing my hair, like the label says, all the while releasing chlorofluorocarbons in the air, thereby contributing to global warming and making the temperature rise about three degrees over the next 50 years and maybe changing the geography of California a bit.

Flight attendant: What are your demands?

Terrorist: A bag of peanuts instead of these crappy pretzels!

Flight attendant: But sir ... your cholesterol ...

Terrorist: Screw the cholesterol! I brought my Lipitor!

Flight attendant: You do realize this could be an empty threat if, 20 years from now, scientists determine global warming isn't man-made or we come up with a solution!

Terrorist: Don't make me spray this can! Fox News says global warming studies are inconclusive! You will rue the day I did not get my peanuts!

Go on. Start ruing.

Comments

  1. Dan PavelichJune 24, 2012 at 10:31 AM

    I get the shaving cream still being banned, because they make fake ones where the bottom unscrews so that you can hide your, umm...spare change.

    ReplyDelete

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